This Kind of Thing Keeps Happening...
The Long & Unpleasant Saga of The Evil Anti-Tinite
For the real story, which we are "not allowed" to post on our web server any more, go here, or continue reading to get the "sanitized" version of the story.
A while ago, we at The Church of Tina recieved the following email from someone who was responding to our web site:
Date: Sat, 13 Jul 1996 04:07:26 -0700 From: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> Organization: Global Stupidity Group Subject: Blasfimy! Blasfimy! Blasfimy Blasfimy Get a life you bunch of wierdo's!
We're well used to receiving mail like this, and frequently we simply ignore it. However, on this occasion, the person sending the message obviously had some problems, not the least of which, judging by her spelling, is the lack of a formal education. So we responded as follows:
To: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> From: The Church of Tina Chopp Subject: Re: Blasfimy! Blasfimy! Blasfimy Blasfimy not until you learn to spell blasphemy!!! 8) TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!! regards Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU High Priest The Church of Tina Chopp http://www.ebeneezer.net/ >Get a life you bunch of wierdo's! > >
Well, apparently the Evil Anti-Tinite felt that it was her "god given duty" to attempt to cram her so-called "god's" so-called truth down our throats, because she replied as follows:
From: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> To: The Church of Tina Chopp Date: Fri, 16 Aug 1996 21:21:57 +0000 Subject: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin! People who claim to be God (David K from Texas) usually end up where he is. I suppose your sick bunch of people are having sex with little girls and other people's wives too! And you probably think it's great. Like a said - Get a life you bunch of losers!! >not until you learn to spell blasphemy!!! 8) > >TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!! > >regards >Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU >High Priest >The Church of Tina Chopp >http://www.ebeneezer.net/ > >>Get a life you bunch of wierdo's! >> >> ````````````````````````````````````````````````````` Evil Anti-Tinite Global Stupidity Group 1-800-XXX-XXXX http://www.i-suck-cock.com/ BE the master of your destiny, don't let fate control you. YOUR destiny is what you make it. Choose wisely. OWN your business, don't let your business own you. BOSS? Who needs one when you can be your own? `````````````````````````````````````````````````````
From our point of view this was starting to get a little bizarre, but (as you may have guessed) we at The Church of Tina thrive on the bizarre, so we responded again:
To: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> From: The Church of Tina Chopp Subject: Re: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin! >People who claim to be God (David K from Texas) usually end up >where he is. as far as i know, nobody here ever claimed to *be* God. of course, like all "True Religions" we claim to have personal knowledge of God that nobody else has, and (unlike the other "True" religions) we can *prove* that we have personal knowledge of God that nobody else has. as for where david koresh and his crowd ended up, i'd like to know where that is. as far as i've been able to tell they ended up in the ash heap. if you have any further knowledge about this please stick it up your ass. thanks > I >suppose your sick bunch of people are having sex with little >girls and other people's wives too! And you probably think >it's great. Like a said - the fact that you have discerned us to be a "sick bunch of people" proves that you don't have anywhere near as much humour in your body as you should, and are probably very similar to, if not actualy one of those people who have a reputation for killing people in the name of jesus; beating young children and old ladies to death in the process of "delivering" them from "demons", etc., etc., etc.... i have personally been assaulted by a group of "christians" who wanted to "cast demons out of me" because i wouldn't agree with them instantaneously when they told me that they were right and i was wrong. correct me if i'm off the mark here, but that doesn't seem to me to be very much like the way jesus taught his followers to act. until "christians" *deserve* a better reputation than they have, i'm going to remain a happy Tinite and fuck you! > >Get a life you bunch of losers!! > if all the excitement you ever get in your life is to flame people like me, who never did anything to you and don't even know who you are, then my life is already infinitely more entertaining, productive and useful than yours will ever be. get yourself a life, bonehead! > >TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!! > TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!! regards Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU High Priest ----- The Church of Tina Chopp http://www.ebeneezer.net/
Who ever thought that something like this could go on for so long. If we've learned one thing from this whole interchange, it is never to underestimate the zealousness and stupidity of a "christian". The next day, we recieved the following response from the Evil One:
From: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> To: The Church of Tina Chopp Date: Sat, 17 Aug 1996 05:52:50 +0000 Subject: Re: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin! "Thou shalt not have strange gods before me" I rest my case - You people flamed Destiny as "evil". You guys need your heads examined and if your god is some chick named Tina Chopp, well you must live on Mars somewhere. And you call yourself a reverend using language like that?? No reverend who is a follower of Jesus Christ talks like that - so, my weird little moron - you go kiss Tina Chopps ass because that's about as close to heaven and you'll ever get! You'll end up right beside David and company Tina Chopps - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
At this point we were beginning to wonder about the Evil One's motivation for writing to us; whether she might be a True Tinite who was trying to test us, or, on the other hand, possibly a form of the Anti-Tina, sent from Safeway, to torment us. Therefore we decided to rest in the knowledge of Tina and "walk the talk" as the new-agers might say. Our response was the talk" as the new-agers might say. Our response was as follows:
To: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> From: The Church of Tina Chopp Subject: Re: You Better Change Whatever Your Smokin! >"Thou shalt not have strange gods before me" > >I rest my case - > hmm... my guess is that by quoting the bible you hope to make some kind of impression on me. to be honest, the fact that you've continued this flame war far further than most people that respond to The Church's web site makes much more of an impression on me than mindless spouting of mind-control drivel (which was, by the way, completely invented by Tina Chopp in 1873) ever would. and if you think about it from a historical point of view, the proto-judaic deity we know as JHWH was one of a polytheistic pantheon of which he was the God of Wrath and Jealousy. after that pantheon's "civil war" JHWH emerged as "victor" and he's been the "one in charge" ever since. like you care... > >You people flamed Destiny as "evil". You guys need your heads >examined and if your god is some chick named Tina Chopp, well >you must live on Mars somewhere. > not that i believe you'd care to know that much, nevertheless i feel constrained to point out to you that, first of all, The Church of Tina Chopp does *not* believe that "some chick" is God. that would be ludicrous. we *KNOW* that God's name is really Tina Chopp. The Form of Tina is beyond that of a mere human being, and, although we have heard of many *people* named Tina Chopp, we know that they are related to The True Tina in the way your shadow is related to you. secondly, we do *not* live on mars, we *do* live on Planet X-38 which is located in the trans-martian asteroid belt and cannot be viewed from earth with the naked eye. like i said, i'm pretty sure you could care less... pearls before swine, i guess... oops, that's another bible quote, what was i thinking... >And you call yourself a reverend using language like that?? >No reverend who is a follower of Jesus Christ talks like that despite the fact that i never *claimed* to be a follower of jesus christ, it might surprise you to know that i actually *am* an ordained christian minister. i am also a practicing hindu, a zoroastrian, a whirling dervish, a yetinsyn and an erisian. big fucking deal. > - so, my weird little moron - you go >kiss Tina Chopps ass see! even *you* are Tinite! even though you don't believe it or accept it, it's true! EVEN YOU ARE TINITE!! and there's NOTHING you can do about it! you always will be AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN a follower of the Great God Tina Chopp and the doctrines of Her Son, The Holy Snake Ebeneezer Squeezer! have you sacrificed your vegetables today?!? >because that's about as close to heaven and you'll ever >get! You'll end up right beside David and company - > david who? Thy Own Self Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU High Priest ----- The Church of Tina Chopp http://www.ebeneezer.net/
At this point we figured that if the Evil One really were a Tinite, she would recognize the True Teachings of Snake Destiny and be reassured. So we sent her a copy of The Book of Rude just to make sure. Her response contained one line, the subject line:
From: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com>
To: The Church of Tina Chopp
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 1996 12:12:05 +0000
Subject: Re: blasphemy! KEEP SMOKIN THAT STUFF REV. You'll be
in Chopp h
Chopp what?
Well, after an interchange such as this we simply couldn't keep our curiosity in check, so we proceded to inquire about the Evil One's motivations:
To: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> From: The Church of Tina Chopp Subject: i'm curious if you hate our stuff so much, what ever possessed you to look at our web site in the first place? regards Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU High Priest - The Church of Tina Chopp http://www.ebeneezer.net/
At this point, we decided that if she really did hate Tina, it might be instructive for us to learn exactly why she felt that way. She responded in rather an incomprehensible manner, indicating to us that she was beginning to slip over the edge from rationality to blind belief very quickly:
From: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> To: The Church of Tina Chopp Date: Fri, 30 Aug 1996 20:24:52 +0000 Subject: Re: i'm curious I was looking up Destiny Telecomm and your site came up on the search because you people have a message in there saying that people in Destiny must Repent! HA HA HA HA HA We'll repent all the way to the bank my friend! This type of garbage warps the minds of our children. This type of garbage is the cause of Drug use and Alcohol abuse in our children because you simply have to be using acid, speed, pot, meth-anphetimine or whatever hilucenatory agent it would take to dream up this dribble and truly BELIEVE it! I feel sorry for your poor parents! They must be so ashamed of the thing they produced as a child that I'll be very surprised if they even associate with you and the rest of your wierdling friends. I certainly was not looking to be put on a mailing list for such filth and defamation of the christian religions and condem the fact that you have the actual NERVE to send me your ridiculous writings. What a joke! Your clan will follow the likes of David Karesh and Jim Jones and probably Hitler as well. So don't pass yourselves off as these people of love because you're nothing but a bunch of idiots feeding off of the weak minds of those that would believe one iota of this garbage you spew and believe in. I WILL be taken off of this list NOW. My children look at my E-Mail quite often and I don't EVER want them knowing that things like you exist. GET LOST! > if you hate our stuff so much, what ever possessed you to look > at our web site in the first place? > > regards > Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU > High Priest - The Church of Tina Chopp > http://www.ebeneezer.net/ > >
We have been criticized before. We have even been declared "Blasphemous and Anti-Christian" by The Best of the Christian Web, but we have never been compared to Hitler before, and are unable to make the connection at all. We therefore decided that the friendly approach was getting us nowhere and that this was turning into the Evil One's personal vendetta, so we responded as follows:
To: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> From: The Church of Tina Chopp Subject: RE:i'm curious >I was looking up Destiny Telecomm and your site came up on the >search because you people have a message in there saying that >people in Destiny must Repent! HA HA HA HA HA > >We'll repent all the way to the bank my friend! > your response intrigues me. if you were searching one of the standard search engines (yahoo, lycos, opentext, etc.) for the string "Destiny Telecomm" you hit on our site because it contains the keywords "Destiny" and "Telecomm", not because of any statement about "people in destiny must repent". in fact, as i am the html author for the entire site, i can, with a great deal of confidence, assure you that our site *DOES NOT* contain such a statement. also, i'm not sure what you mean about repenting "all the way to the bank"... we're not out to make money, we're not even asking for money. if your "god" is *paying* you to be so obnoxious to me (us) then maybe you will "repent all the way to the bank" but if not, i think i will continue to enjoy what i'm doing a lot more than anything anyone could *pay* me to do anyway... >This type of garbage warps the minds of our children. This >type of garbage is the cause of Drug use and Alcohol abuse >in our children because you simply have to be using acid, >speed, pot, meth-anphetimine or whatever hilucenatory agent >it would take to dream up this dribble and truly BELIEVE it! > your spelling is atrocious. my impression is that you don't have to take drugs to be stupid. you would make a lot better impression on people in general and people like me specifically if you were to do something as simple as learn how to use the spelling checker on your word processor. or maybe go to school... the correct spellings are: "methamphetimine," "hallucinatory," and "drivel"... not only that, but you seem to be labouring under the illusion that we actually *believe* the stuff that's posted on our site. while that may be true to a certain extent, we are also *acutely* aware of the fact that *WE MADE IT ALL UP OURSELVES!* we are *NOT* trying to "replace" God in peoples' minds, we are trying to *JOLT* people, and we are *quite* successful at that, as you may have noticed. The Church of Tina Chopp exists as a humourous response to a lot of the hypocrisy and inconsistency we see in all world religions, and as a way to illustrate that hypocrisy and inconsistency in a way that other people can see as well. furthermore we *DO NOT* encourage people to take illegal drugs. neither do we *discourage* people from taking illegal drugs. that is a choice every person must make for themselves, and as responsible individuals we cannot hope to have *any kind* of control over other peoples' lives (unlike many world religions). the *PRIMARY* purpose of our site is to make people sit up and take notice. it is a joke. we are doing this to jar people out of their false sense of security. to make them realize that the world and the people in it are not part of some "pie-in-the-sky" superstition about god and jesus. this is the real world here! if you're not prepared to look at it with a sense of humour then you're obviously not prepared to participate in the real world at all, regardless of what "god" you're worshipping! >I feel sorry for your poor parents! They must be so ashamed of >the thing they produced as a child that I'll be very surprised >if they even associate with you and the rest of your wierdling >friends. > not that it's any of your business, but my parents were physically and emotionally abusive to me and my three siblings throughout my childhood. i experienced more pain and anguish at the hands of my parents than you could ever dream of. my parents were ogres... monsters... *EVIL* people! i haven't wanted to associate with *them* and i actually *haven't* associated with them for almost 15 years! it's spelled "weirdling"... and i'm not even going to go into the actual *meaning* of the word, because if you realized how complimentary it actually is you might retract your statement. >I certainly was not looking to be put on a mailing list for >such filth and defamation of the christian religions and condem >the fact that you have the actual NERVE to send me your >ridiculous writings. What a joke! Your clan will follow the >likes of David Karesh and Jim Jones and probably Hitler as well. >So don't pass yourselves off as these people of love because >you're nothing but a bunch of idiots feeding off of the weak >minds of those that would believe one iota of this garbage you >spew and believe in. > if you didn't want to be put on the mailing list you shouldn't have written to us in the first place. unlike a lot of places, we edit our mailing list by hand. if you had written to some other organizations i can think of you would have been put on an obnoxious computerized mailing list and your flames would have gone to a machine which would not have been able to understand or respond... AND YOU WOULD *STILL* BE ON THEIR MAILING LIST! we defame the christian religion because it deserves to be defamed... along with *EVERY OTHER RELIGION IN THE WORLD!* if you can give me *ONE* good reason why i should *NOT* defame the christian religion then *maybe* i will consider saying something nice about it. in the mean time think about the crusades, especially the children's crusade, or the middle east, or northern ireland, or any number of the other "holy" wars that were started by the christian religion. i thought your "god" said "THOU SHALT NOT KILL"... by the way, it's "condemn," and "Koresh"... >I WILL be taken off of this list NOW. My children look at my >E-Mail quite often and I don't EVER want them knowing that >things like you exist. > if you don't want your children to look at your email then learn to use one of the infinite variety of practically "dumb-proof" computer security software packages that are available... or get them their own email accounts or something a lot more simple and less time consuming than flaming me. i get the impression that you're blaming *me* for your lack of computer security. i may work for a high-end software development company but i'm certainly not *that* powerful... besides, if they learn about such things now they'll be a lot more prepared for the real world than they will be if they have to wait until they're adults to learn. not only that, but if you're worth your salt as a parent you will *TELL* your children about such things, so that they won't be surprised when they encounter them on their own! that's certainly what *i* do with *my* children! >GET LOST! in your dreams! Thy Own Self Rev. Guido DeLuxe, DD, LDD, OHS, MSU High Priest - The Church of Tina Chopp http://www.ebeneezer.net/
That simply wasn't enough for the Evil One. She subsequently forwarded the response above to our ISP and demanded to have our account cancelled. We recieved a copy of our Postmaster's very thoughtful and measured response:
Date: Sun, 1 Sep 1996 17:02:41 -0700 (PDT) From: Joe Portman <baron@ws4.aa.net> Reply-To: Joe Portman <baron@ws4.aa.net> To: Evil Anti-Tinite <ugly-bitch@i-suck-cock.com> cc: The Church of Tina Chopp Subject: Re: (Fwd) Re: i'm curious On Sat, 31 Aug 1996, moneytalks wrote: > To whom it may concern, > I have made complaint regarding this individual and if > something is not done to cancel his account I will go to the > Attorney General and see to it that something is done about it. This appears to be a private dispute between you and the person in question. I suggest that if you do not want to receive any email from this person, simply have your email program drop the email. Any good commercial email program is fully capable of such filtering. Since there is nothing threatening, obscene or illegal in the post you have sent me as an example, it would be unethical for us to take action against an account holder who is currently in good standing. I will advise them that you don't want to communicate with them, but that is really under your control. Just like unwanted postal mail, you are free to discard unwanted email unopened, without reading it's possibly annoying contents. If you have evidence of illegal activity to present, then please do so. > I will not tolerate this > kind of rubbish coming into my home and I want this person's > account cancelled or else! What you bring into your home (or your computer) is entirely your decision. From the email below, it appears that you subscribed to a mailing list, but you don't like the contents. Simply unsubscribe and I'm sure you won't receive any more of that annoying email. Have a nice day! Respectfully, Joe Portman postmaster@aa.net
Well, we thought that was going to be the end of the story, but then we got another message from the Evil One...
