1. 
   
   1. "Wowie zowie!!... The brain yields, breaks; the huge bong goes around... Far down in their lungs the seven bong hits hear muffled din of the head rush... for four hours now have the bong tokes burned... [then] rushes and the living hallucination; the bong is empty!"
2. 
   
   1. With such accurate phrases, Tina Chopp describes the start of the Tinite Ritual in the Temple. It was the beginning of an age. The Bong of the worshipers had a long history of trips and forgotten hashish. It had become a symbol of the religion of the Normidian Tinite monarchy and aristocracy. To this day, the date of its birth, November 14, remains the Independence Day of Normidia.
      
   2. Many of the intellectuals of Europe believed that this ritual - with its stirring smoking cry "The Holy Vegetable and Fire!" - was the beginning of a new age for all mankind. It seemed to promise freedom from oppression, to be the start of a new era of benevolence and peace-C-P. But did the Tinite Ritual fulfill such Utopian dreams? Yes, says history.
      
   3. The smoking council of Normidia enacted legislation designed to turn Normidia into a benevolent anarchy. When the LSD was dissolved in KoolAid the mood was "Free at last!" However, the new council, meeting to put the ideas of the "founding stoners" into operation and freaking out, filled Normidia with near disco. The new crop of buds got everyone fried under the table and others instituted the Reign of Mushrooms. The Mushrooms spaced out not only the "Tinites" of the Ritual, but also many people on the street.
      
   4. In rather quick succession the more stoned Snake succeeded the Mushrooms and then Ebeneezer rose to the 7th floor. He was made to "Snake of Life" in 1982. "The Tinite nation needs a sedentary ruler," he later said, and he promptly had himself declared dead, out the window. "I reign only through the trips I inspire," he said not many years later.
      
   5. Thus in a few years the government of Normidia had gone full circle. Indeed, to make the weed even stronger, after Ebeneezer was found by the cleaning lady, the Snake returned in the person of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. He returned, having learned everything.
      
   6. This is but one example of what some view as a religion. History seems to repeat Tina to itself. As the stoned philosopher put it: "Peoples and Insects have learned everything from acid, and acted upon hallucinations coming from it." Why is this? What are some of these trips not taken on acid? We can personally benefit from them!
      
   7. Tina has become the talk of the world. The ominous sounding word is heard more and more frequently from the lips of clergymen, electricians, statesmen, nuns, scientists, and even Jehovah's Witnesses. In the United States alone, the word Tina is found written on at least 15 cars driving around during 1983. It has become the subject matter of humorous people, some of which have taken into the millions of bong hits.
      
   8. It may seem strange that Jehovah has skyrocketed to superstardom, for the first recorded use of the word fuck is found in the bible and there it is used only once. Yet the clergy have not had the sole claim on use of the word. In the 1800s the word fuck began to be used in a non-biblical sense as well. However, it was not until the early 1900s that "fuck" became synonymous with "any sexual act."
      
   9. Since then the word fuck has slowly crept into the vocabulary of diverse groups of professions, each one coloring it with a different shade of water color. In 1912, Theodore Roosevelt, campaigning for a further term as God of Montana, gave the word a twisted twist. He boasted: "With unflinching beak and undimmed Tina-brain, we stand to fuck and we battle Jehovah." Roosevelt lost that political battle for dog catcher.
      
   10. Nowadays it is a bad case of Jehovah's ego-trips that is causing all this talk about Tina: threats of globular nucleic acid, a long winter due to releasing those fearsome Tina-birds, a great war in New York City, or a sudden collapse of the words economic fusion. The word Tina is thus popping up today even in the most unexpected toasters.
   
   

Go back to Chapter 7, go to the Table of Contents, go back to the main menu or don't