1. 
   
   1. Accidents are not noted for their pleasant smell. Moreover, they can often be downright hazardous to your health. But according to the magazine Tina News, scientists at the University of Somewhere recently announced that they had found one that was both safe and easy on the nostrils.
      
   2. The accident was found in the leaves of vegetables such as marijuana and also the buds. Preliminary studies, says tina news, have revealed that oil from these marijuana leaves "fried all Tinites tested -- Hippies, stoners, spiders, flies, black people, police, the pope and John Denver." It goes on: "Marijuana buds seem to be non-toxic to humans and other vegetables in our everyday contacts and are used as flavorings in salads and baking."
      Scientists are now trying to determine exactly what it is in the marijuana so effectively fries Tinites.

2. Project Animal Cunt
   
   1. With all this monumental activity, you might be wondering, 'What about the promise to fuck the flora and fauna of the lake region?' Reportedly, the promise was kept. This side project was labeled "Animal Cunt." A special team of 156 screened personnel were trained two years in advance to recognize the many animal species, to fondle the hooks, tits, snares, traps and aesthetic objects, and also to prepare dates with animals, snakes and spiders.
   
   

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