Hello! And welcome to Tina, the official newsletter of the Church of Tina Chopp. This issue is the San Francisco Earthquake issue. If you are mindboggled by this first issue, don't despair, it took the two high priests of this religion years of careful study under the prophet Ebeneezer Squeezer to learn the faith and practice of Tina.
We will help with any questions, from theology to dogshit. No subject is too insignificant and we promise to print and answers all letters if necessary. We are also interested in all opinions both pro, con and sideways, so if you have any questions or comments on Tina (the magazine), or Tina (the God), Ebeneezer Squeezer or any other topic, then write to Tina (the magazine) at:
The Church of Tina Chopp
The price of Tina will vary with each issue. This issue's price is two dollars in either cash, stamps, food stamps (1's only please), or Postal money order. If you send us a check, we won't send you anything. International orders can pay the equivalent of two dollars American in local currency. You can also get the zine free by sending us art or articles, or letters that we use in subsequent issues of Tina.
Tina will be published following cosmic events, such as natural disasters, comets, or the second coming of Christ. Tina will focus on issues pertaining to The Church of Tina Chopp, most notably, complete instructions on how to properly worship Tina. These include, but are not limited to, snake fondling, vegetable sacrifice, drugs and bizarre sex. Plus, we will address news of the day and how it pertains to the Church, and what it means to Tinites and the world (if we feel like it).
We look forward to sharing the belief and practice of the Tinite religion with you and hope to hear from some of you soon. Write us to bitch, or just say high.
In Holy Vegetable Love